Super Smash University
by PierceSawyer744
Summary: All of the Smash characters in a modern university AU... and incredibly gay. Who could ask for more?
1. First Day

"Ahh, it's so good to be back!" the 19-year-old boy cooed as he took in the campus. The boy was pretty short for his age and had a childish face and messy brown hair. He wore a navy blue tank top, a white jacket, black jeans, and sandals despite the relatively cold weather of autumn. This boy was Pit, and as of this day he was a sophomore at Smash University.

Pit's bliss was interrupted when a car pulled up nearby. Watching it pull into a parking spot, Pit quickly became irritated as he saw the driver: Link. Now a senior, Link had been the most popular guy on campus since long before Pit showed up. And why not? He was incredibly attractive, a football player, extremely sweet, and a little bit quiet and mysterious. Pit was very jealous of Link - and also had a massive crush on him, not that he would admit it. When Link climbed out, wearing a green shirt with white sleeves, white jeans, and a green beanie that accentuated his blond hair, he waved at Pit. Pit gave a small head nod back. The rest of Link's entourage - cheerleader Zelda, a brunette dressed in a purple top and a white skirt, and fellow football players Marth, a blue-haired individual with a matching blue t-shirt and dark navy jeans, and Doug "Falcon", brown-haired and wearing a skin-tight blue long-sleeve shirt and blue skinny jeans - climbed out of the car. Marth made a beeline to Link and it wasn't long before their tongues were in each other's mouths. Pit rolled his eyes and walked away.

What Pit knew was that Link and Marth were very openly gay. What Pit didn't know was that they were not dating and had no interest in each other besides the occasional "friendship benefit" - the constant kisses were platonic and just for fun. "Get a room," Falcon teased as Link and Marth kissed goodbye for the day - Marth was heading up to his dorm to unpack while Link went out with Falcon and Zelda for dinner. Link and Marth pulled away and glared at him, then returned to kissing with Marth holding his hand up between them and Falcon. Falcon and Zelda laughed. Finally, they pulled away for good. "I'm out," Marth said. "See you later, Linky-poo." He winked before leaving.

Falcon walked up next to Link. "See you later, Linky-poo," he said, mocking Marth's tone and planting a kiss on Link's lips. Link quickly wiped it off and stuck his tongue out at Falcon.

"Alright, you two," Zelda said, still laughing a bit. "Let's go."

Unlike Link and Falcon, Marth was a junior, though he easily got on the football team and was quickly accepted into the clique, especially when he came out. What Link, Falcon, and Zelda didn't know was that Marth wasn't in a hurry to get unpacked - he was heading off to meet his boyfriend of one year, Ike. Ike was a sophomore but was also on the football team; unlike Link and Marth, he was in the closet, so Marth reluctantly kept their relationship a secret. Ike was waiting outside of Marth's dorm to "help unpack" when Marth got there. Marth's jaw nearly dropped - Ike had always been hot with a chiseled face and adorably messy blue hair, but the summer had done him good: he had clearly been working out and had an amazingly sexy tan, traits accentuated by his brown tank-top and skinny khakis, and seemed a foot or so taller. It was all Marth could do not to kiss him right there in the hallway.

"Ready to get started?" Ike asked, eyeing his boyfriend hungrily.

"You know it," Marth responded. They each grabbed a stack of boxes, hurrying to get out of public so they could get started for real. However, their impatience resulted in Ike running boxes-first into another student, sending them both and the boxes tumbling to the floor.

"Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry," the student apologized. Ike opened his eyes and realized he was right on top of this student - worse still, he was incredibly hot. He had tanned skin, gelled-up black hair, and wore a black tank top, showing off his muscular arms and rolled up from the fall to reveal his abs, and green gym shorts, showing off his muscular legs - legs which were partially wrapped around Ike's.

"Uh - no, don't worry about it," Ike insisted, quickly climbing off of him before his erection got noticeable.

"Here, let me help with the boxes-" the boy offered.

"No, really, don't worry about it, it's my fault," Ike said. "I should've watched where I was going."

The boy shrugged and stood up, and suddenly Ike was completely turned off. He was barely five feet tall. "Don't worry, I'm used to not being seen." He laughed, clearly making fun of his own shortness. Marth and Ike were too uncomfortable to join in. "I'm Mac. I'm a freshman."

"It's nice to meet you, Mac. I'm Ike, and this is Marth." Ike said. "Well, we'd better get back to work."

"Of course," Mac said, nodding at Ike and Marth before making his way down the hallway, completely oblivious to the fact that as soon as they were behind closed doors, Marth and Ike were banging.

Mac was on his way to lunch, having already finished unpacking. As he left the dorms, he saw a nearby basketball hoop where someone was practicing free-throws. He watched for a moment - although he never played basketball, he was interested in sports. The player in question had messy, blond hair, blue shorts, but wasn't wearing a shirt. After admiring his technique (and physique) for a bit, Mac continued on his way, brushing past a pair of twins, both nose-deep in their books.

These twins were Robin and Robyn. They were very similar in appearance; pale with white hair. Robin, the boy, had messy short hair, while Robyn, the girl, had her longer hair in pigtails. They both wore white t-shirts with a black jacket over it, but Robin wore black jeans and Robyn wore a black skirt. "Do you think he's here yet?" Robin asked, looking up from his book.

"Why would I know?" Robyn fired back. Robin rolled his eyes and looked around, soon spotting the basketball court Mac had just passed.

"Shulk!" he cried excitedly, dashing past Robyn and nearly knocking the book out of her hand, and grabbed the shirtless basketball player around the stomach, bringing him in for a desperately hungry kiss before he could say anything. Robyn rolled her eyes.

Robin and Shulk had been dating since they were freshmen in high school and were now freshmen at Smash University together. Robyn stood around awkwardly for a second as Robin and Shulk continued to make out before saying, "I'm going to go find Lucina," and making her leave.

Robyn and Lucina had been best friends basically since Robin and Shulk started dating, and Robyn, a closeted bisexual, had a huge crush on Lucina, but assumed Lucina was straight.

Heading around to the front of the dorms, Robyn soon saw Lucina-she wasn't hard to track down with her long, blue hair, blue sweater dress, and navy leggings; Robyn hadn't seen so much blue in her life. "Hi Lucina!" Robyn called as she ran up to her and hugged her from behind.

"Robyn! I'm so glad you're here," Lucina said, pulling Robyn off of her and turning around to look her in the face. "I want you to meet my girlfriend, Samus."

Robyn's eyes drifted to the woman standing next to Lucina. She was tall, blond, and attractive, and wore a yellow t-shirt with orange jeans. Samus waved kindly.

"Girlfriend?" Robyn asked, dumbstruck.

"Yeah," Lucina said, putting her arm around the much taller girl. "We've been dating for two years but kept it a secret because she was already in college. But now that we're both in college, it's okay."

Robyn mentally facepalmed. Not only was Lucina gay, she wasn't even in the closet.

"Hi," Samus said. "I'm a senior here. Are you a freshman like Lucina?" Robyn nodded. "Great. Maybe I can show you around sometime?"

"Uh... uh, yeah, that'd be great," Robyn said.

"Cool. I'll see you girls later, okay? Bye Lucina." Samus leaned in and kissed Lucina on the cheek. Robyn almost threw up.

Samus made her way up to her dorm. As she fumbled with the key card, a voice from behind said, "Hi, Samus." Samus grinned and turned around to see Peach and greeted her with a sloppy kiss, one hand in Peach's long, blond hair and the other around her exposed midriff, which was bordered by her pink long-sleeved belly shirt and a pink miniskirt.

"Where have you been?" Peach asked as she pulled back.

"With Lucina," Samus responded.

"She still think you actually like her?"

"Duh. I'm an amazing actress."

"Mhm."

"She turned 18 last week, so now I just have to get her in bed. Then we can have that threesome."

"Sounds delightful," Peach said, kissing Samus again. "Well, I'd better go get unpacked. See you later, babe." Samus grinned stupidly as Peach walked away. Suddenly Peach stopped in her tracks and looked out towards the window.

"What's up?"

"Look at this kid." She pointed out the window. Samus walked over to look.

"Holy sh..."

"He looks just like Pit."

The boy in question, down in the parking lot, was Pittoo. And just as Samus and Peach realized, he looked nearly exactly like Pit. His hair was pitch black, though, and his outfit matched: a black tank top under a black hoodie, black jeans, and sandals. Despite the resemblance, Pittoo was a year younger than Pit and a freshman.

"Pittoo!" a female voice called excitedly, dashing to catch up with him. Pittoo grimaced. "Hi!" This was Palutena, a "friend" of Pittoo's (mostly forcefully). She had long, green hair and wore a white, sleeveless dress with a red border and a gold-colored sweater over it. Like Pittoo, she was a freshman. "Ready for your first day?"

"Uh huh," Pittoo mumbled.

Palutena rolled her eyes. "Don't be such a grump."

"Ah, hello, Pit," came a deep voice from behind them. Pittoo and Palutena turned around, confused, to see a tall, buff, and intimidating man with dark skin and reddish hair wearing a black leather jacket over a maroon t-shirt and leather pants. "Oh! You're not- hmm, that's uncanny," he remarked, obviously having mistaken Pittoo for Pit, not that Pittoo or Palutena understood this. "My apologies. I thought you were someone else." With that, the man turned around and went on his way.

"That was weird," Palutena remarked. Pittoo, however, was unable to form such a response for one simple reason: he was absolutely smitten.

The man in question was Ganondorf, a junior. As he walked away, he shook his head, still baffled by Pittoo's resemblance to Pit. This distracted him long enough for him to collide with another student, knocking them both to the ground. Once the stars were out of his eyes, Ganondorf recognized the student as Falco, another junior with gelled-up spiky blue hair, a white jacket, a burgundy turtleneck, and red jeans.

"Gosh, Ganon," Falco remarked teasingly. "If you wanted on top of me so badly, you could've just asked."

Ganondorf rolled his eyes and tried to look frustrated. When this failed, he went with the half-smile. "I just can't help myself."

Falco attempted to push Ganondorf off of him which started a struggle between the two men, rolling across the asphalt and switching between who was on top and who was pinned, before it finally ended with Ganondorf back on top.

"Give up?" Ganondorf asked.

"Never!" Falco responded, still squirming. Ganondorf rolled his eyes and tightened his grip on Falco's wrists, then dove down and gave him a sloppy kiss. "Blech! Yuck!" Falco complained, sputtering. Ganondorf again rolled his eyes at his overreaction. "Fine, I give up." Ganondorf smiled and climbed off of him.

Falco stood to his feet and adjusted his jacket. "Damn it," he muttered. "You tore it." He took the jacket off to observe the damage, a small rip on the sleeve. Ganondorf was momentarily distracted when Falco's muscular arms were revealed by his sleeveless shirt.

"Sorry," he apologized sheepishly when he broke free from his stupor. "I'll pay for a new one."

Falco shook his head. "Don't worry about it, I've got plenty."

Ganondorf shrugged. "Any other way I can make it up to you?"

"Never kiss me again?"

Ganondorf smirked and grabbed Falco's arm before he could flinch, subconsciously feeling his biceps. "I make no promises." He leaned in close. Falco flinched at the feel of the other man's breath on his lips. "You're very kissable." He planted another sloppy kiss on Falco's cheek before turning and walking away. Falco wiped the saliva off his cheek.

"You disgust me!" he called after him.

"You liked it!" Ganondorf called back without turning around. Falco rolled his eyes and began to walk off in the other direction, though he couldn't deny that he was starting to miss feeling Ganondorf's lips on his. "Hey, DK," Falco greeted as he walked past the student in question.

Daryl King, better known as DK, was another senior. He had short, fuzzy brown hair and wore a brown, furry jacket over a red t-shirt with khakis. He waved back to Falco as he walked, searching for his companion, who he soon located walking out of the dorms: Diddy.

Diddy looked a lot like DK's mini-me, wearing a similar outfit, though his equally fuzzy brown hair was mostly covered with a red baseball cap, though he was much shorter and scrawnier compared to DK's height and muscles. The reason for the size discrepancy was that, despite being a sophomore, Diddy was only 16 - an early graduate. "Diddy!" DK called, catching the younger boy's attention. In Diddy's first year at the college, DK had taken him under his wing, and now they were inseparable. Diddy ran over to DK and jumped into his arms, DK spinning him around.

What DK didn't realize was that Diddy was completely infatuated with him, despite the six-year age gap. His kindness came across as flirtation and Diddy was working up the nerve to confess his feelings. "It's so great to see you again!" DK said.

"You too," Diddy said, blushing at the feel of DK's muscular arms around his body. He buried his head into the older boy's shoulder to hide this.

"How have you been?" DK asked, still holding him in his arms even though he had stopped spinning.

"Good," Diddy replied. "Nothing super interesting has happened over the summer. You?"

"Same," DK said and shrugged. Suddenly, DK froze. "Holy shit."

"What?" Diddy asked, lifting his face from DK's shoulder. DK was staring straight ahead. "Let me see!"

DK put the smaller boy down and pointed across the parking lot. "That dude is _hot_ ," he said.

Diddy's eyes narrowed as he found the guy in question. Blonde spiky hair atop a perfectly chiseled face, nice biceps and a slim body accentuated by a tight navy-blue tank top, and baggy jeans. DK wasn't wrong - but boy, was Diddy jealous. "I guess so," he mumbled.

They took a moment, DK gawking and Diddy fuming, before DK snapped out of it. "Well, I'm going to go unpack," he said. "See you later, little buddy."

"Uh huh," Diddy responded, still pretty pissed.

DK's new infatuation belonged to Cloud Strife, an incoming freshman. He stood, talking to Corrin and Corrina, twins and also incoming freshmen. Like Robin and Robyn, Corrin and Corrina dressed similarly - both had white hair, Corrin's ungroomed and Corrina's pulled back; wore long-sleeved white shirts with navy vests; black pants, though Corrin's were sweatpants while Corrina's were yoga pants; and flip-flops. Further similarities? They were both madly in love with their close friend, Cloud.

"I was thinking about putting a carpet in my dorm," Corrina was saying. Both twins had a habit of blathering on nigh-endlessly, mostly in front of Cloud to compete for his attention. "But I'm not sure what color. White would match my aesthetic but I'm afraid it'd just look dirty after a week."

"Mhm," Cloud said. To outsiders, he may have sounded uninterested, but Corrin and Corrina knew that he was simply a man of few words but loved listening to anything they had to say.

"Are you even allowed to put carpet down?" Corrin asked. Unlike Cloud, he was most certainly uninterested.

"I am if I pull it up when I move out," Corrina responded with a wink. Cloud cracked a smile, a personal victory for Corrina, while Corrin just rolled his eyes.

"What about you, Corrin?" Cloud asked, sensing Corrin felt left out. "Any decoration plans?"

"I don't really care," he admitted. He was never one for much decorating. "But you know what I do want to try?" Cloud was completely enraptured by the monologue while Corrina just looked frustrated.

After both twins had a fair chance to talk about whatever they were interested in, Cloud said, "I'm going to go on to my dorm and finish unpacking."

"Aw, okay," the twins said in sync. Cloud gave them both a quick kiss - a typical goodbye or greeting from him which the twins had come to accept as platonic.

"Love you," he said, walking away.

"Love you too," both twins said. Cloud was completely oblivious to the difference in meaning.

"He clearly cared more about what I had to say," Corrina bragged.

Corrin rolled his eyes. "Doubtful."

The two twins laughed and linked arms. Despite their competition, they never let it get in the way of their own relationship. They constantly assured each other that, if either of them ever won Cloud's heart, the other would be fully supportive.

"Do you think we're going to fit in around here?" Corrin asked.

Corrina smiled. "You know what? I have a feeling we'll fit in perfectly."

 **Alternate title: All Smash Characters Are Gay**

 **but hey it's gonna be hot**

 **More characters will be appearing! I have an explicit plan for Roy, but I'm also planning on including Sheik, Fox, Lucario, Sonic, Rosalina, Wii Fit Trainer (...might need to come up with a name for her), Ryu, and Bayonetta at some point. I'd be willing to consider other characters, too, if they're requested enough. This chapter was intended to be an introduction to a ton of core storylines, but future chapters will have a central focus on a couple.**

 **I'm not explicitly planning any M-Rated chapters, but I want to leave it open to that possibility while still getting the extra readers from T and under. So, if I ever get an M-Rated chapter, there will be a warning at the top of the chapter and any relationship basics will be summarized in the following chapter!**

 **I'm trying to be inclusive, hence the lesbian plot with Peach, Samus, Lucina, and Robyn, even though I'm mainly interested in gay dudes. Sorry if I fail, but I'm doing my best!**

 **Review if you enjoyed.**


	2. Football Tryouts

**what is sports**

 **this is nonsense and heavily inaccurate, please don't judge me lol**

 **just focus on how hot these guys are**

"Hey, Marth!" Falcon called, getting the blue-haired boy's attention. "Go long!" He hurled the football across the field, Marth running and skillfully catching it.

"Alright, boys, settle down," the coach called. Falcon, Marth, Link, Ike, DK, Ganondorf, and Fox McCloud were the current members of the football team and today was try-outs for the remaining four spots. The possible members were now arriving: Robin, Pittoo, Mac, Shulk, and Cloud were among them, as well as fellow freshmen Ryu and Walker, better known by his initials WFT.

As the coach spoke to the newbies, DK nudged Link. "Look at all these hunks of meaty goodness," he remarked. All seven of the options were dressed in a training outfit supplied by the school: a loose-fitting tank top and tight white pants. Mac, Cloud, Ryu, and WFT's tank tops displayed their more muscular physiques, including massive biceps and dangling just off of their well-formed pecs. Robin, Pittoo, and Shulk were scrawnier but equally attractive to the eye and more of their chests were visible since the tank top was even looser on them. All seven of their asses were on display thanks to the pants; Robin and Shulk, standing next to each other and regularly brushing arms "accidentally", supplied a nice view of their hardened sizes, too.

"Which one do you like best?" Marth whispered. DK grinned while Link rolled his eyes.

"I'd love to bang Cloud. Shulk's nice, too, but he's obviously with Robin. What about you?"

"Dude, no contest," Marth answered. "Have you seen Walker's butt? And boy, is Mac hot, but that height..."

DK snickered, trying not to draw the coach's attention. "Link? You got a preference?" Link didn't respond, but his eyes were locked onto Pittoo.

"Wonder if any of them are gay," Marth mumbled. "Besides Robin and Shulk."

"Is that even a question?" DK asked. "You do remember what school we're at, right?"

"Hey, it's not a foregone conclusion."

"People around here are either gay... or closeted."

Marth rolled his eyes. Ike, a few feet away, blushed heavily.

A short distance away, in the bleachers, a few students had gathered to spectate: Wanda, Walker's twin sister also known by WFT; Diddy, Falco, Peach, Zelda, Robyn, Palutena, Corrin, and Corrina. While Peach and Zelda and Corrin and Corrina sat in pairs, everyone else was fairly scattered around. "Oh my god, look at Cloud's butt," Corrina muttered.

"Pervert," Corrin responded, though his eyes were similarly locked on.

"Imagine how hot he'll look in those uniforms," Corrina added, pointing out the seven team members. "I don't know if I can come to a game without having an orgasm." Corrin laughed.

While Wanda, Falco, Peach, Zelda, and Diddy watched calmly, Robyn's face was shoved into a book, and Palutena was waving flags with Pittoo's name on them. Pittoo chose not to look at her.

The newbies had begun practicing plays with the team. Corrin and Corrina watched as Cloud got his hands on the ball and made a run for it, only to be tackled by DK. As they skidded across the field, Cloud's tank top tore off his chest and his pants were dragged down to his knees, baring his chest and ass for all to see.

"Kill me now," the twins muttered in sync as Cloud pulled himself up off the ground, facing the bleachers and giving them a great view of his dangling cock. They were so distracted that they failed to notice DK give him a playful spank as he walked past. Cloud blushed heavily and quickly pulled his pants up, though his chest stayed bare.

"GO PITTOO!" Palutena screamed as Pittoo got his hands on the ball. At this point, everyone in the crowd except Robyn was staring at her - not that she cared. Pittoo tried to tune her out but still grimaced.

His dash was similarly put to an end when Ganondorf tackled him, tumbling with him before landing on top of him. When Pittoo opened his eyes, he was face-to-face with the man of his dreams. "Sorry kid," Ganondorf said. "Hope I wasn't too rough. You okay?" Pittoo couldn't formulate a response. "Alright then..." Ganondorf remarked, climbing off of him. Pittoo cursed himself for not saying anything as he also stood up.

A few more plays, a few more awkward pile-ups, and a few more obnoxious cheers from Palutena, then the coach announced, "Alright. Hit the showers. I'll post the final team later today."

Brushing dirt off of themselves, the fourteen players made their way into the locker room and stripped. As he walked to the showers, Marth groped Link's butt and whispered, "I'm going to go see if Walker's as gifted as he is hot." Before he could round the corner, Ike stepped out in front of him, completely naked. Marth's eyes nearly fell out of his head.

"Hey, Marth," he said, absentmindedly stretching and flexing his muscles, "I know this is kind of awkward, but would you mind washing my back for me?"

Marth eagerly nodded as Link rolled his eyes and brushed past them. As he walked past the showers to the back of the room, he observed what everyone was doing: Pittoo was staring at Ganondorf, Robin and Shulk were helping each other rinse off, DK and Cloud were making out...

"So..." Pittoo said, trying to make conversation as he snapped out of his daze and began scrubbing his chest with soap, "how long have you been on the football team?"

"So he _can_ speak," Ganondorf announced jokingly. Pittoo's face turned red, though Ganondorf wasn't looking at him. "Two years now. I tried out sophomore year."

"Any tips for me?" Pittoo asked. Finally, Ganondorf turned to look at him, but before he could phrase a response, he was distracted by a certain area.

"Yeah, one tip," Ganondorf said. "When you're in the showers, don't make small-talk with a guy you find attractive. It's a little telling." He motioned towards Pittoo's crotch. Pittoo's face turned red and he turned away, not-so-nonchalantly hiding his face and boner. Ganondorf grinned as he took another look at the boy. He really was pretty hot, even if he wasn't as buff as the guys Ganondorf usually went for. He shrugged and walked over to him while he wasn't paying attention, groping his butt before draping an arm over his shoulders, their bare skin touching. Pittoo was frozen. "You got a cute cock, though," he said, winking before walking away to get dressed. Pittoo's eyes followed him and his jaw hung open.

"Not gonna hit any of 'em up this time, Linky-poo?" Fox asked as Link scrubbed his scalp with shampoo. Link shrugged. Fox gave him a quick once-over. "You're looking pretty aroused. Need some help?"

Link glared at him, but he wasn't wrong. Although he had no interest in pursuing any of the guys at this moment, their presence had left him with a significant boner. His glare softened as Fox walked over to him, planting a seductive kiss on his lips. "Stop by my room soon?" Link nodded submissively.

Cloud let the water run over his body as thoughts ran through his head. DK was long gone, though he had invited Cloud to stop by his dorm later. And yeah, Cloud couldn't deny that the football player had a great body and was an excellent kisser. But he felt no desire to pursue sex... or any other relationship with him. Which left him wondering... if he wasn't attracted to a sexy senior, what _was_ his type?

"Talk about a serious score," came a voice, snapping him from his thoughts. He turned to see Mac, a towel wrapped around his waist, standing nearby. "Sex with a senior your first weekend? Impressive." Cloud was flustered but nodded politely. "Although I understand how. You're pretty hot."

Cloud blushed, then took into account his earlier considerations. His final decision? Grab Mac and give him a passionate smooch. The towel dropped to the floor, long forgotten.

Marth, meanwhile, was gently rubbing Ike's back with a soapy washcloth. "Does this mean...?" he whispered, trying not to draw attention to them

Ike's face turned red and he shook his head. "Nope. We're just two friends helping each other get clean after a long, hot, sweaty day." He considered this. "God, that sounds like a porno." Marth laughed.

"Hey, maybe we can make it into one..."

"Shut up," Ike growled through clenched teeth. Fortunately, only Cloud, Mac, Pittoo, and Link were still in the room, and they were all fairly preoccupied as well as in a different row of showers.

Taking advantage of this isolation, Marth pinched Ike's ass. "I might need a little bit of help later today... Gotta clean up before my roommate arrives tomorrow."

Ike rolled his eyes, but his quickly growing boner informed him there was no sense in resisting. "Sure, I'll stop by and help out."

Marth smiled and continued to scrub his secret boyfriend's muscular back clean, briefly wondering if they could ever take their relationship public...

 **Yay, got some more characters involved! Also, I have a plan for Sheik now and Roy will be appearing... soon, hehe. I'll have female WFT (Wanda, Walker's twin brother) eventually, too, but I have no role in mind for her yet so it could be a bit.**


	3. Celebration

"What's taking Pittoo so long?" Palutena asked no one in particular, her arms crossed and her foot tapping as she sat in the bleachers. Most of the players and trainees had emerged from the locker room, but Pittoo had not. Zelda was the only other person still waiting on the bleachers, and though she sensed Palutena was talking to herself, she slid over closer to her.

"Which one was Pittoo?" she asked. Palutena jumped a little, not expecting anyone to respond.

"Oh, um," she stuttered, trying to regain her train of thought. "The short one with black hair."

Zelda nodded as she pictured Pittoo in her mind. "You're his friend?"

"That's right!" Palutena beamed.

"He looks a lot like one of my friends," Zelda noted.

"Oh, that explains a lot. There was a guy yesterday who mistook him for someone." Palutena's eyes sparkled. "Hey, is this guy gay? We should set them up!"

Zelda giggled at Palutena's enthusiasm. "I'm not sure, to be honest. He keeps to himself. Really, I'm using the term 'friend' fairly loosely."

"Hm... Well, we should at least introduce them."

"Fair enough. I'm having lunch with some friends at Mario's downtown later tonight. I'll invite Pit, too, and text you if he's coming so you can bring Pittoo."

"But you'd need my phone number for that."

Zelda almost laughed. "Yes, that's true." She pulled her phone out of her purse and laid it on Palutena's lap.

"Oh! Right! Yeah, um..." Palutena took it and typed in her number. "There you go."

"Great. And hey, even if Pit decides to be a party-pooper, feel free to drop by. I can introduce you to my friends."

"Sure thing." Palutena watched as Zelda walked away with Link, who had finally exited the locker room. Only one thing was on the green-haired girl's mind: "His name is Pit? Wow. That's a freaky coincidence."

"You played well today," Zelda commented, smiling kindly at Link. Link smiled back, but it was clear his mind was elsewhere. Zelda had generally become okay with these sorts of one-sided conversations with her long-time best friend, but it still made her uncomfortable as he didn't even make eye contact. Sometimes she wondered if she just annoyed him. "Hey, so I invited the new kid Pittoo and his friend Palutena to Mario's tonight. Do you think you could get Pit to come?"

Link cocked an eyebrow, actually looking at Zelda this time. He studied her face briefly, then turned back to watch where he was going and shrugged. Zelda stared at him, not sure how to interpret that. "Are you okay?" she asked. Link stopped walking, but still avoided Zelda's gaze as she studied his face, looking for any sign of emotion. With no reaction to go by, she decided to pour her heart out. "I know you don't like to talk, and I've gotten used to it. Mostly. But it seems like... lately, you're always thinking about something else. Are you okay? Are... _we_ okay?"

"I should go," Link said, his voice hoarse. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked off in another direction.

Zelda was speechless. She didn't know if she wanted to cry or scream or chase after him. So she didn't do any of that. She went back to her dorm to get ready for dinner. She didn't know if Link was going to show up or how she would react if he did. But she refused to let whatever just happened ruin her day.

As she fumbled with her lock, a loudly arguing duo emerged from the elevator: Corrin and Corrina, joined by the ever-stoic Cloud. These types of arguments weren't uncommon - Corrin and Corrina would get locked into a debate while Cloud listened closely, then whichever one ran out of points first would ask him what he thought. But this time, his mind was elsewhere - specifically, on his interactions with DK and Mac in the locker room. The interactions Corrin and Corrina were completely unaware of.

"Cloud, what do you think?" Corrin finally asked, crossing his arms as both twins stared at the blond. Cloud felt his face heat up.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't listening."

"What?!" Corrina gasped. She covered her mouth as soon as she said it. Although he had put up with their antics for years, there was nothing keeping Cloud playing along with their silly sibling rivalry.

"I understand," Corrin said emphatically, a subtle jab at Corrina's own overreaction. Corrina, picking up on this, glared at him. "You're stressing out about whether or not you'll make the team, right?"

Cloud's face turned even redder. "Something like that."

"No problem," Corrina said, pushing Corrin out of the way. "Forget our silly disagreement. Today's your day. Let's do something to take your mind off of it. Ice cream?"

"No thanks," Cloud said. "I think I'm just going to take a nap in my dorm."

"Oh," Corrin and Corrina both said, crestfallen. It wasn't often that Cloud turned down a chance to go out with them. Something was seriously wrong.

"See you later, then," Corrin said, crossing his arms as Cloud turned and walked away to his dorm.

"I don't think this is about the football team," Corrina commented.

Corrin continued to stare after Cloud, for once in his life not only to stare at his butt. "What is it, then?"

As Cloud walked down the hallway to his room, he was completely unaware of the embarrassingly loud but fortunately unidentifiable moans and thuds coming from Marth's dorm. These moans, of course, belonged to Ike, stripped to his boxers as he made out with an equally disrobed Marth.

"Mmm... roommate?" Ike asked as Marth moved to suck on his nipples.

"Haven't been assigned one yet," Marth responded, punctuating every word with a kiss to Ike's partially hairy and well-sculpted chest. "So we've got free reign until further notice." He moved up and captured Ike's lips again. "And anyone who walks by will have no idea who I'm banging this time. You've got nothing to worry about."

Ike suddenly frowned, pushing Marth off of him.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"It's only our second day here. How many people have you had sex with?"

Marth shrugged. "Just you and Link. But hey, we talked about this. I need to be able to satisfy my desires whenever I get the urge. As long as you're in the closet, that won't always work with you."

"Have you ever considered masturbating?" Ike mocked.

"You didn't have a problem with it last year."

"It's not last year anymore." Ike crossed his arms, now on the verge of shouting. "I really like you, Marth. I think we have something special. And I don't like that you're sleeping with every guy on campus!"

"You're my only boyfriend," Marth shouted back. "You're special to me, too. And I don't like that I can only have you when no one else is around!"

"You know why that's not possible!"

"No, I don't!" Tears were now visible in the shorter boy's eyes. "Who cares what your parents think? If they kick you out, you can come live with me."

"It's not that simple, Marth. Nothing is that simple!"

"I want to go public, but if you don't want to, then I can't be expected to wait for you!"

Ike frowned, trying to fight back his own tears. "Then I guess we're done here." He turned away from Marth, bending over to pick up his discarded jeans and pull them up.

Marth gaped at him. "That's it? You're just going to leave?"

"You've made your terms clear." Ike pulled his t-shirt over his head. "I'll see you at football practice." He closed the door behind him and was gone.

Marth was left frozen in shock for what felt like hours, but eventually he screamed, "Fuck you!" and collapsed into sobs on the bed.

Ike was long out of earshot by the time this outburst finally escaped, but it did reach the ears of Peach and Samus as they walked by.

"Was that an insult or a shout of pleasure?" Samus whispered to Peach.

"You never know with Marth," Peach commented back. "Either way, we might want to give him some space. So are you inviting Lucina to Mario's tonight?"

"Of course I am," Samus replied. "I'm supposed to meet up with her at the bookstore to help her pick out textbooks and supplies."

Peach faked gagging. "Yuck. Talk about boring."

Samus shrugged. "She wanted some advice from someone who's taken the classes before. I'll see you later, okay, babe?" She gave Peach a long, drawn out French kiss before leaving to the bookstore.

"Hey, Lu," Samus greeted when she saw the blue-haired girl.

"Hi, Sammy!" Nearby, Robyn almost threw up again. "I hope you don't mind, but I told Robyn and Robin they could come along, too. They've got the same majors."

"No worries," Samus replied. She looked at the two white-haired students and grinned. "Twins, huh?"

"How'd you guess?" Robyn deadpanned. Robin snickered.

"Well, come on," the tallest girl said, waving the three younger kids along. "Let's get started."

After they were finished and Samus had left, Lucina offered to buy the twins donuts at the cafeteria. While she stood in line to order them, Robin caught Robyn's eyes.

"Sorry. That sucks," he said.

Robyn cocked an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?" Robin's eyes moved to Lucina, then back to Robyn.

"You know. Samus."

"What about her?"

"You've had a crazy crush on Lucina for years," Robin said with a chuckle. Robyn's face turned red.

"Shut it."

"Here you go," Lucina said, unaware of the conversation she had just almost overheard. "A dozen fresh donuts. Hey, Robyn, you okay? Your face is red as a tomato."

"I'm fine," Robyn said through her teeth. "Robin's being a pervert again."

"I am not!"

Lucina laughed. "Either way, these donuts are getting cold. Let's dig in."

"So, Lucina, how long have you and Samus been a thing?" Robin asked. Robyn shot him an icy glare that Lucina, fortunately, didn't catch.

"Two years. Isn't she amazing?"

"Yeah, sure. And have you two... you know...?"

"Robin!" Robyn screeched.

Lucina laughed again. "Nah. Samus has been very understanding that I don't want to have sex before I graduate. Gotta focus on those grades, right?" There was a reason the bookworm twins had been attracted to Lucina's companionship. "Why are you so curious, anyway?"

"Hey, I just found out my sister's best friend has had a secret girlfriend for two years. Gotta make sure nothing else is going on I don't know about."

As Lucina laughed, Robyn averted her eyes to try to slow the ever-growing urge to kill herself. Her eyes eventually landed on Ike, sitting alone and obviously crying. She elbowed Robin. "Hey, wasn't he at tryouts?"

Robin and Lucina both turned to see what Robyn was pointing at. "Um, yeah, he was already on the team," Robin replied. "I wonder if he's okay."

"Well, let's go find out," Lucina said, grabbing the box of donuts and standing up. The more introverted twins watched her, made eye contact and silently debated following her, then finally jumped up and sprinted to catch up with her. "Hey," Lucina said, catching Ike's attention. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I-I'm fine," Ike insisted, wiping his eyes.

Lucina opened the donut box. "Want a donut?"

Ike eyed them for a second. "...Sure." As he reached for one, Lucina pulled back.

"If I'm giving you a free donut, you gotta tell us what's wrong. Deal?"

Ike frowned externally, though he was internally pretty impressed at this girl's business sense. "Fine, deal." He grabbed the donut as Lucina, Robin, and Robyn each took a seat, then proceeded to explain, leaving out genders, what had just happened.

"I'm sorry," Lucina said, chewing her third donut. Sometimes Robyn wondered how she kept her physique. "I don't know what I'd do if I found out my girlfriend was sleeping with other people." She frowned. "And she said she wouldn't stop?"

"It's a little more complicated than that," Ike admitted, scratching the back of his neck. "But yeah, pretty much. Thanks for listening, though. I feel a lot better now that I've gotten it out."

"No problem," Lucina said, smiling.

"You're... Robin, right?" Ike asked, turning to him. Both twins flinched.

"Um, yes," the boy responded.

"Great playing today. And congratulations on making the team."

"Huh?"

"Wait, the player list is out?!" Robyn asked, grabbing Robin's phone from his pocket and loading up the school's website. Robin and Lucina both stared over her shoulder.

"The members of this year's football team are: Falcon, Marth, Link, Ike, DK, Ganondorf, Fox... Robin, Mac, Walker, and-"

"-CLOUD!" Corrin and Corrina shouted, banging on the blond's dorm room door. He eventually appeared, shirtless and disheveled, but Corrin and Corrina were too excited to particularly notice.

"...Yes?" Cloud asked.

"Did you see? The player list is out!" Corrina announced, passing him her phone.

Cloud's eyes scanned the page, then a half-smile appeared on his face. "I made it."

"Of course you did!" Corrin said as the twins pushed through the door to give him a congratulatory hug and kiss.

"We have to celebrate!" Corrina announced to distract herself from Cloud's lips on Corrin's.

"I heard Mario's is pretty good," Corrin suggested as Corrina's lips took over.

Cloud hesitated. "Well..."

"Come on, we have to do something!" Corrina pleaded. Cloud looked at the twins and was unable to say no.

"Okay. Let me get dressed. Come have a seat," he said motioning towards the tiny sofa. Corrin and Corrina took a seat as Cloud disappeared towards the beds. As he walked around the corner, a blue-haired guy wearing nothing but a blue speedo that showed off what appeared to be morning wood (despite it being mid-evening) stepped out into Corrin and Corrina's eyesight, drowsily rubbing his eyes.

"Whoa," he said once he saw the twins. "I must be more hungover than I thought, 'cause I'm seeing double." Corrin and Corrina eyed him, unimpressed, as Cloud reappeared.

"Sorry, this is my roommate, Sonic. Sonic, these are my friends, Corrin and Corrina. They're twins."

"Great, so I have two chances to get laid," he said, offering his hand to shake.

"And you just blew both of them," Corrina responded, smiling but not taking the handshake. Corrin snickered and Sonic rolled his eyes.

"He's kidding. Probably," Cloud said awkwardly as he pulled a shirt over his head.

Sonic turned around. "Whoa, a shirt?" he asked teasingly. "You're seriously dressed up. Going out?"

"We're going to Mario's." Corrin and Corrina both tensed up as they knew what Cloud would say next. "Want to come?"

"I dunno, man, I don't think I want to put on a shirt today," Sonic replied, then grinned. "Sure, I'm in. What's the occasion?"

"Cloud's on the football team," Corrin replied.

"Hey, congrats, man," Sonic said, pulling on a pair of blue jeans with massive holes in the knees, then giving Cloud a congratulatory hug. Once both of them were properly dressed - which, for Sonic, was a skin-tight white tank top -, the four made their way to Mario's, the twins avoiding Sonic like the plague.

Mario's was crowded that night as just about everyone had elected to stop by. It was easily the best restaurant in town and therefore the first pick for celebration. It also helped that the owner, Mario, was an incredibly attractive - and pan - man. He was in his mid-30s and a textbook example of a bear. Rumors of him hooking up with students spread like wildfire, but the only evidence anyone had was that he was a huge flirt. His twin brother and head chef, Luigi, was equally attractive, though much thinner and shyer and his sexuality was unclear, making him an even bigger goal for hook-ups than Mario.

"Lookin'-a good, everyone," Mario greeted with a wink as Zelda, Pit, Falcon, Marth, and Peach entered the restaurant. "Hey, where's-a Link?"

Zelda tensed up. "On his way," Marth quickly said, then muttered under his breath, "Probably."

"You want your usual-a table then?" Mario asked, already knowing the answer as he led them to it. Pit shuffled awkwardly to his seat. He was incredibly uncomfortable, having never joined Link's entourage at such dinners before, but he was too nice (and easily pressured) to turn down Zelda's invitation. Zelda made sure one seat next to him was empty and sat on the other side.

"So Pit," she said, making small-talk to stall him from trying to leave before Pittoo showed up and also to distract herself from thinking about Link, "it's been awhile since we've talked. How have you been?"

"Fine," Pit said, fiddling with the salt shaker and avoiding eye contact. Zelda sighed. Talking to Link was easier. She turned away to examine who else was present, her eyes falling on a table in the back.

"Uh, Peach, is that Samus?" Zelda asked. Peach simply shushed her.

It was, indeed, Samus, joining Robin, Robyn, Lucina, and Shulk in celebrating Robin's accomplishment. However, while Samus and Lucina were busy flirting, the other three were much less comfortable, Robyn from her jealousy and Robin and Shulk due to Shulk not making the team.

"I think I'm going to get the spaghetti," Robin said to break the awkward silence. "What do you think, Shulk?"

"Yeah, it looks good," Shulk responded, not looking up from his menu. Robin and Robyn both grimaced. Shulk had sworn up and down that he wasn't hurt, but his actions were speaking louder than his words. The twins made eye contact, silently communicating, before Robyn eventually stood up.

"I've got to go to the bathroom," she announced, slightly louder than she intended. "Samus, Lucina, mind joining me?" The other two girls stared blankly at her as she tried to subtly gesture towards Shulk and Robin to indicate that Robin wanted to be alone. Eventually giving up on them catching on, Robyn just grabbed them by the arms and dragged them away.

Once they were out of earshot, Robin took the menu out of Shulk's hands. "Hey!" he protested.

"Shulk, are you mad at me?" Robin asked.

"Why would I be?"

"Because I made the team and you didn't. I'll turn it down if you want me to."

"What kind of terrible person to you think I am?" Shulk said, scowling. "No, I'm not mad at you."

"But you are upset that you didn't make the team."

"I didn't say that."

"But you are."

Shulk looked away.

"I'll turn it down."

"No, don't. You worked hard for this. You deserve it."

"So do you," Robin said, gently turning Shulk back to face him by the chin. "And you're way more important to me than the football team. I only signed up so that we could spend time together; if you're not there, it's not worth it."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Shulk expressed his gratitude with a gentle kiss, which Robyn, Lucina, and Samus watched from around the corner.

"Aw, how cute," Lucina cooed.

"Not as cute as you," Samus replied, wrapping her arm around her. Robyn almost gagged. So did Zelda, who was still watching - she didn't have anything better to do, since neither Pittoo and Palutena nor Link had shown up.

"Hey Pit," Marth said, breaking the silence at their table. Zelda and Pit both turned to look at him.

"Yeah?" Pit asked.

"You're gay, right?"

Zelda put her hand to her face, exasperated. Pit was taken aback by the question but answered before he could stop himself. "Uh, yeah. Why?"

"What's your type?" Marth continued, smirking.

Pit scowled. "Not you."

"I'm not asking for me," Marth replied. "I'm asking because I'm curious."

"My sex life is none of your business."

"It is if you tell me."

Zelda contemplated getting up and leaving, but the argument was interrupted when the front door opened to reveal Link. Zelda, not thinking, stood up in shock. They briefly made eye contact before Link shuffled over to the table and took the only empty seat - next to Pit.

Zelda's eyes went wide as the door opened again, revealing Pittoo and Palutena. She had forgotten to ask Mario to pull up an extra chair.

"Remind me why we're here?" Pittoo asked, scowling.

"Because you need a night out to cheer up!" Palutena replied.

Pittoo glared at her.

"Okay, fair enough, but I'm dragging you here anyway becaaaaaause-" She stopped as she made eye contact with an extremely apologetic Zelda and realized the table was full. So much for that plan. "...Um. I'm hungry," she said.

"Fine, but we're not staying here more than an hour."

"Welcome!" Mario said as he approached. "You-a two cuties new around here, hm?"

Pittoo was taken aback by Mario's forwardness, but Palutena was unfazed. "Yup! Where's the best place to sit?"

"How about with me?" a booming voice interrupted. Ganondorf stood up from his table, waving Pittoo and Palutena over. "My friends canceled on me and I'd appreciate the company."

"Oh, okay, sure!" Palutena said eagerly. Mario stepped aside as she made her way over, but Pittoo grabbed her and dragged her back.

"Eat slow," he whispered.

"What? I thought you said no more than an hour."

"Yeah, well, plans changed," he responded before shoving her towards the table again. Palutena, ever oblivious, was left confused as she took her seat. Mario, meanwhile, moved to greet the next customers to enter - Sonic, Corrin, Corrina, and Cloud.

"Sonic, long-a time no see," Mario greeted, taking his hand and kissing it suggestively. "These-a friends of yours?"

"Yep," Sonic responded, grabbing for Corrin and Corrina's hands, who quickly pulled away. Mario laughed before leading them to a table.

"Is that the owner?" Corrin asked, quickly sitting next to Cloud so that Corrina would have to sit next to Sonic. He ended up losing anyway, though, as Sonic sat across from him.

"That's right. We're friends with benefits, if you know what I mean."

"Meaning he gives you food and you pay him for it," Corrina responded. Corrin and Cloud chuckled while Sonic rolled his eyes.

Some hours later, the restaurant had thinned out - Shulk and Robin had bailed on Robyn, Lucina, and Samus for obvious reasons, followed shortly by Robyn and then Lucina. Samus left with Peach, followed by Marth, who explained he had to prepare for his roommate's arrival the next morning, and eventually Falcon and Zelda.

"I'm going to go to bed early," Cloud announced, pushing his plate away.

"Oh?" Corrin asked. "We'll get to-go boxes then."

"No, that's fine. Finish eating," he insisted. "Wouldn't want to ruin your dinner. I'm just tired."

Corrin and Corrina shared a glance, both reluctant to stay with just Sonic. Cloud leaned over and kissed Corrin goodbye, then walked around the table to kiss Corrina goodbye, and left. Sonic grinned.

"You three a thing?" he asked. Corrin and Corrina's faces contorted in shock and disgust.

"No!" they both shouted at the same time.

"We're just friends," Corrina said.

"Who kiss each other goodbye," Corrin added.

"Not the two of us, though," Corrina corrected.

"That would be gross," Corrin agreed.

Sonic laughed. "Great, so will I get a goodbye kiss, too?"

Corrin and Corrina made eye contact again and mutually agreed to make the most of the situation, teasingly replying, "Not with that attitude." Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as they thought.

Pit and Link, meanwhile, ate in silence, having let their meals get cold due to Zelda, Marth, Falcon, and Peach's distractions. Pit, however, could tell that something was wrong between Link and Zelda for several reasons and was also working the nerve up to ask about it.

As Link took the last bite of his food, he decided to go for it. "So um," he said, a bit louder than he intended, causing his voice to echo through the building. He cleared his throat and started again. "Um, you and Zelda. You've been friends for awhile, right?"

Link looked at him, confused, and slowly nodded.

"Is something going on between you two? It was kind of awkward tonight." Link didn't respond at first, so Pit quickly added, "You don't have to say if you don't want to. I guess it's none of my business."

"No, that's fine," Link said. It was maybe the third time Pit had ever heard him speak. "There is something going on. Maybe if I talk to someone it'll be easier."

"Okay," Pit replied. "Shoot."

"Our parents were friends before we were born. So we've always just... naturally hung out." He put some money on the table before standing up to leave, motioning for Pit to follow. They stood outside the door and continued to talk. "We went to the same schools and everything. It always felt like we were just going to be together forever... so when I came out as gay, I think I might have hurt her. We didn't hang out as much for a few years. Then we came here and it was like everything went back to normal... Like it had always been. But it's not normal. She's changed. I've changed. I don't think it can ever be like it used to be. I've been trying, because I know that's what she wants, but it just..."

"I think I get it," Pit replied, though he was pretty confused. "Have you told her that?"

"No. I don't want to hurt her again."

"You're probably hurting her more by keeping it to yourself. Not to mention hurting yourself."

Link sighed. "I know." Pit stared at him for awhile before realizing he had nothing else to say and starting to turn away. "Pit, wait," Link called, stepping after him and grabbing his hand. Pit froze at the contact, staring at their hands before slowly lifting his gaze to meet Link's. Link had stepped a bit farther than he intended and their faces were nearly touching. "I, um..." the green-clad boy whispered, losing his train of thought as he slowly leaned in. Pit was too stunned to react as their lips collided.

As they kissed, Palutena, Pittoo, and Ganondorf also made their way out of the restaurant. While Pittoo and Ganondorf headed in the opposite direction of Link and Pit towards the campus, Palutena glanced at them. "Well, damn. Guess Pit is already taken. Tonight was a huge waste of time," she muttered to herself. She turned around to see Pittoo and Ganondorf had also begun making out. "Oh. Oh! Maybe not!" She watched the scene for some time before realizing how awkward it was and hurriedly excusing herself back to campus.

Last to emerge were Corrin, Corrina, and Sonic. Surprisingly, the twins had rather enjoyed their time with Sonic and were laughing with him as they came out the door.

"We'd better go," Corrin said. "It's pretty late."

"Hey, what about my goodbye kisses? I've been on my best behavior," Sonic said with a wink. Corrin and Corrina glanced at each other, then decided to go for it. Corrin went first, placing his hand on Sonic's cheek and slowly pulling their lips together. Sonic was too surprised to react, so the kiss was gentle and only lasted a few seconds before Corrina followed suit.

"Damn," Sonic said once he regained his ability to speak. "That was... damn. Cloud's one lucky guy."

Corrin and Corrina both blushed heavily. "Well, see you later, Sonic," Corrina finally said, hurriedly turning to walk away. Corrin started to add something, but instead followed.

"Kissing-a on the first date?" Mario asked as he emerged. "Impressive. You-a always were pretty-a fast."

"It wasn't a date," Sonic retorted.

"Oh, good," Mario said. "Then-a you're still mine-a for the night." Sonic smirked and accepted his teasing kiss.

"I gotta get going," the blue-haired boy said, slapping Mario on the ass. "Tell Luigi good night for me."

"Will-a do," Mario replied and turned to lock the door as Sonic walked away, contemplating the riddles that were Corrin and Corrina. It was one of the first times his player instincts didn't override his chivalry and he didn't quite understand how they managed to pull it off, but he definitely was desperate for more of them. They remained on his mind all the way back to the dorm and well into his dreams.


	4. NON-CHAPTER -- PSA

**PSA:**

 **So kind of on a suggestion (it was probably a joke but I liked it lol) I decided to make a relationship chart!**

 **You can find it on my Imgur (which uses the same username as here). I made two versions because Mario flirts with everyone and it got hard to read, lol.**

 **I may or may not update it as the story goes along. We'll see.**


	5. Breakdown

When Marth woke up, he was immediately slapped with the reality that it wasn't all a dream - he and Ike had broken up, and he was getting a roommate. He honestly couldn't decide which was worse. Not only was getting a roommate awful in and of itself, but it meant he needed to be up early this morning so that he could make sure his room was clean - or at least presentable. He stretched and sat up, scratching his bare chest as he looked around. His room most certainly was not presentable, but he was not going to be able to focus on cleaning with his morning wood, so after checking the clock to make sure he had time, he grabbed his phone to turn on some porn.

Another pair of early birds were wandering down the hall as Marth was jacking off. "Wow, Marth's already scoring this early in the morning?" Peach asked with a chuckle as she heard his moans.

"Probably masturbating," Samus corrected.

"Speaking of scoring, how's it going with Lucina?"

Samus frowned. "She's a goody-two-shoes. No sex until she's graduated."

"Damn," Peach muttered. "You're not giving up, though, are you?"

"Not yet. I have my ways," Samus said with a wink.

"Oh, I know it," Peach replied, taking Samus for a sloppy make out session.

But the two girls were unaware that they were being watched - by Robyn.

"The hell?" Robyn muttered under her breath, trying to decide if she wanted to interrupt to yell at Samus or not. She eventually decided not - both girls were much older and larger than her, Samus in particular. She didn't have a heavy book on hand to defend herself with. So instead she scurried back to her room, slamming the door behind her and making sure it was locked.

Her roommate, Rosalina, stared at her. "Uh, you okay there?" she asked. "Thought you were getting breakfast."

"I just saw my best friend's girlfriend making out with another girl."

"Ooh, that sucks."

"Thanks, I didn't know," Robyn retorted.

"You gonna tell her?"

"Well, of course! I have to, don't I?"

"Mm, I'd advise against it."

"What? Why?"

Rosalina clicked her tongue as she walked over to Robyn, reminding Robyn once again just how small she was compared to other girls. Rosalina further drove the point home by propping her elbow on Robyn's head, her floppy light blue sleeves landing in Robyn's face. "Oh, poor, simple, naive Robyn. So booksmart, but not the least bit street smart."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Robyn questioned, shoving Rosalina's elbow off her head.

"Lu's madly smitten with this girl, right? People do crazy things when they're in love - like believe their best friend is lying when they say they caught a rat."

Robyn mused over this. "That sounds like a television plot."

"Fiction mirrors reality, babe," Rosalina replied with a shrug as she flopped back onto the bed. "It's up to you, of course. But I wouldn't risk it."

Robyn mused over these options as she headed out for breakfast. She was still considering them so hard when she sat down that she hardly noticed someone else was already at that table.

"Concentrating hard, huh?" Ike asked, snapping her out of it.

"Oh!" Robin gasped. "Sorry, I, uh... I didn't see you. Was someone sitting here?"

"Nah," Ike replied. "So, what are you thinking about?"

"Well, um... It's complicated."

Ike smiled kindly. "You helped me yesterday. Maybe I can help you today."

Robyn considered this option, looked around to make sure no one she knew was in the general vicinity, then dove into the story.

"Damn," Ike muttered. "That's... I don't know. Tricky."

"Yeah, I know," Robyn sighed. "What do you think? Should I tell her?"

"I think you have to," Ike replied. "Even with the risks. You're too good of a person not to. And if Lucina doesn't believe you, then... That really reflects on her more than it does you. Maybe she doesn't deserve you."

"Who doesn't deserve who?"

Robyn and Ike both flinched as Lucina herself took a seat next to them. Fortunately, she had only heard the last sentence.

"I, uh..." Robyn said, gulping down a massive rock. "I need to tell you something."

Ike scratched his neck. "I'll leave you to it," he said, grabbing his tray and fleeing.

Lucina cocked an eyebrow. "You're freaking me out here. What's up?"

"I, um," Robyn started nervously, "I saw Samus in the hallway, and she was... kissing another girl?"

Lucina blinked. "You saw wrong."

"I'm pretty sure I didn't," Robyn insisted. "They had their hands all over each other. It was kind of gross, actually."

"No, you saw wrong. I've known Samus for years. She's not that kind of person."

"I don't know what to tell you, Lu."

"No, don't call me that!" Lucina barked, standing up. "You're lying, aren't you? You're just mad because I have a hot girlfriend and you don't."

"That's not true!" Robyn barked back, also standing. "Honestly, she's not even my type!"

Lucina's eyes went wide. "Oh my god. You want _me_ , don't you?"

"What? I-"

"You're in love with me, so you're trying to break me and Samus up, aren't you?"

"I would never do that!"

"So you don't have crush on me?"

"I... that's not the point!"

Lucina laughed. "Wow, you're pathetic! All this time I thought you were a good friend, but you were just buying time to try and sleep with me, weren't you? You're disgusting."

Robyn's eyes were watering at this point. "Lucina, you know me better than that. I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't lie to you!"

"Neither would Samus."

The girls stared at each other silently for some time.

"I can't deal with you right now," Lucina finally said, grabbing her tray and marching off. Robyn stared after her before collapsing to the table in a fit of sobs, which was the exact position Robin and Ike found her in half an hour later. Ike quickly scurried off again to leave Robin to deal with the emotions - not his strongsuit.

"Robyn?" Robin called quietly as he sat next to her.

"Go away," Robyn hissed back.

"Yeah, that's not happening," Robin replied. "I won't talk if you don't want me to, though. You can keep crying as long as you need to."

Robyn considered this option, then flopped her head over onto Robin's shoulder and did just that.

As Ike retreated from the dining hall, he ran full-force into someone, sending them both sprawling to the floor.

"Long time no see," Mac said with a chuckle when they made eye contact. Ike blushed heavily. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you wanted me underneath you."

"Sorry, man," Ike said, standing up and offering a hand to help Mac. "I wasn't watching where I was going. Again." Quickly changing topics, he said, "Hey, and congrats on making the team."

"Oh, thanks," Mac replied. "Guess I'll see you at the first practice. Where you hopefully won't be tackling me."

Ike chuckled. "Well, it is football. You never know." He waved as Mac walked off, then continued his trek back to the dorms.

Mac, meanwhile, was on his way to the basketball hoop, hoping to catch Shulk. As it turned out, Shulk practiced his free throws every morning. The two had become acquainted the morning prior and Mac was really hoping to build on the relationship. Blonds were seriously his type.

"Hey, man," he called as, sure enough, Shulk was there - and, even better, still shirtless.

"Hey," Shulk said with a smile, tucking the basketball under his arm and walking over.

"Congrats on making the team."

Shulk blinked. "Uh, I didn't."

"Yeah, you did," Mac responded, grabbing his phone. "One of the players dropped out, so you're in." Shulk took the phone out of Mac's hands. Sure enough, he had been chosen as Robin's replacement. "So I'll see you at practice, right?"

Shulk stared at the screen, then looked at Mac. He was silent for several seconds, but finally responded with a smile, "Yeah, definitely."

Mac grinned, then proceeded to snatch the basketball out from under Shulk's arm. "You up for some one-on-one?"

"You're on."

As they began to play, Pittoo and Palutena were walking past. "So, you and what's-his-name, huh?" Palutena said teasingly.

"Shut it," Pittoo growled, his face bright red. "That's the fourth time you've said that in the last hour."

"You're so cute together!" Palutena whined back. "Also, I really want you to tell me his name!"

"Not a chance. It's really none of your business."

"Why nooooooot?"

Pittoo's inevitably vulgar response was interrupted by, "Hello, Pittoo," as Ganondorf walked up to them. "Palutena."

"Hi Ganondorf," Pittoo replied, his face turning even redder.

"Ganondorf! Got it!" Palutena announced, pumping her fist into the air to celebrate her victory. Pittoo firmly shoved her away. "Rude."

"Please, call me Ganon," Ganondorf said.

"U-Um, okay, Ganon."

"Anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to catch a movie later tonight?"

Pittoo's face somehow accomplished turning even redder. "Um..."

"He'd love to!" Palutena interrupted, sensing Pittoo had lost his ability to speak.

"Great," Ganondorf said, grinning at the two of them. "I'll pick you up at your dorm at eight, then." He leaned in to whisper suggestively, "And maybe we can stop by my dorm after," causing Pittoo's legs to nearly fall out from under him as the taller man walked away.

Palutena was grinning widely when Pittoo turned to her. "Don't even start!" he snapped, covering his ears as he walked away from her.

"Fine, grumpypants," Palutena called back. "But you better tell me tomorrow how it went!"

"So, Pittoo and Ganondorf, huh?" a voice said from behind Palutena, causing her to jump. She turned to see Zelda and Falco. Zelda was smiling, while Falco was trying not to look perturbed. "When'd that happen?"

"Oh, last night after dinner I think! And it looks like your friend Pit is taken, too," Palutena added.

Zelda raised an eyebrow. "He is? I had no idea."

"Well, he was making out with that blond guy when we left the restaurant."

Zelda's brain froze for several seconds. "Was he now." It wasn't a question. It was a harsh, painful truth going down her throat like a double-edged sword. Watching Link kiss Marth or Falcon was one thing - it was all in fun. But Pit... Pit was new. Pit was serious.

"Anyway, I'm starving," Palutena announced, not even noticing Zelda's reaction. "Time for breakfast!"

"Mind if I join you?" Zelda asked. She needed something to distract herself.

"Sure! What about you?" Palutena asked, turning to Falco.

"Nah, I'm good," he replied.

"Suit yourself!" Palutena and Zelda headed off, leaving Falco to brood. As it happened, Falco had only recently come to terms with and decided to confess his own feelings to Ganondorf, only to learn he was one day too late. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and stormed back to his dorm.

 **Warning: M-Rated content below. If you're uncomfortable, feel free to skip ahead to the next bolded part.**

Which turned out to be a poor choice. He opened the door to see a blue-haired guy going down on his roommate, Fox. They were hardly disturbed by his arrival, though. "Back so soon?" Fox asked through his panting.

"Uh, yeah. Should I go?" he asked, uncomfortable.

"Nah, that's fine," Fox replied. "This is Lucario, by the way." Lucario stuck up a hand in greeting, not moving his mouth from Fox's cock.

"Hi Lucario," Falco replied. He was hardly as sexually active as Fox, but he was fairly certain this was not normal. Still, he didn't have anywhere else to go, so he flopped down on the couch and turned on some TV, hoping (and failing) to drown out Fox and Lucario's moaning behind him. Finally, he heard Fox shout, followed by some sloppy kissing, and then Fox walked over to behind him. He didn't have to turn around to know he was still naked, his flaccid and sticky cock dangling inches away from his head.

"So did you get to talk to you-know-who?" Fox asked.

"No," Falco replied. "Turns out he got a boyfriend yesterday."

"Damn, that sucks," Fox said. "Well, Lucario and I were about to hop in the shower. There's room for three if you need some cheering up."

Falco squinted. "No thanks."

"Suit yourself," Fox replied and walked off. Falco could hear him sloppily kissing Lucario some more as the two of them walked to the bathroom. To his horror, he didn't hear the bathroom door, nor even the shower curtain, close before the water started and the moaning close behind. Rolling his eyes, he elected to find somewhere else to go.

 **End M-Rated content.**

He scrolled through his phone as he walked down the hall, searching for someone he could contact who wouldn't drive him insane. Finally, he landed on Marth and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Hey Marth," Falco greeted. "Whatcha up to?"

"Cleaning my dorm. The roommate's arriving today."

"Want some help? I need something to do."

"Sure, I guess it couldn't hurt."

"Great, be there in a few."

"Bring food!" Falco hung up and pocketed his phone before making his way to the cafeteria, then Marth's room. As he made his way to the food, he walked past Corrina, who was pushing her own food lazily around her plate.

"Corrina!" Bayonetta, her roommate, called as she ran over. Corrina raised an eyebrow. "I found the perfect carpet for our dorm! Look! Isn't that color fabulous?"

Corrina squinted at the screen. "It's black."

"Exactly!"

"Okay, not all of us are goth, Bayo," Corrina said with a half-grin.

"I'm not goth," Bayonetta shot back. "Fine, I'll look for something else." She proceeded to overdramatically close the tab, wiping away invisible tears. Despite her mood, Corrina let out a small laugh. "Is something wrong? You're not nearly as easily amused as usual today."

"Just guy stuff," Corrina replied.

Bayonetta rolled her eyes. "See, I have one thing to say to that: guys fucking suck! Become a lesbian. It's good for your skin." Corrina rolled her eyes. "Fine, tell me what's going on. That Cloud guy?"

"Sort of. He's been acting really weird and distant since football tryouts."

"He probably went down on another guy in the locker room."

"Cloud wouldn't do that."

Bayonetta shrugged. "He's a guy. Guys fucking suck. Literally and metaphorically."

"That's not the whole problem, anyway," Corrina said, changing the topic. "We were supposed to go to dinner last night to celebrate him getting on the team. He ditched us early and left us with his roommate Sonic, who's a total cocky jerkwad. But then, um... dinner with Sonic was actually kind of fun. And... I might have kissed him."

"Damn, girl. Slow down! You've known him how long?"

"Just since yesterday. But it was totally platonic!"

Bayonetta squinted.

"Platonic kisses are a thing."

"Uh-huh."

"Cloud kisses me and Corrin all the time. It means nothing. So Sonic wanted a goodbye kiss, too."

"Sonic, the boy you met yesterday who's a, and I quote, 'cocky jerkwad'."

"He was nicer at dinner."

"So he acted nice for, like an hour. And you kissed the dope."

"Platonically."

"Still not a thing."

Corrina glared at her, then before she could stop her, proceeded to grab her by the cheeks and plant a kiss on her lips. "See? Totally platonic."

Bayonetta licked her lips. "Hm, you should definitely consider that lesbian thing."

"Bayo."

"Mhm. You can do whatever the hell you want with your lips, but mine are reserved for sex and romance, thank you very much."

Corrina rolled her eyes.

"So if you just kissed him 'platonically'," she made overexaggerated finger quotes, "why is it a problem?"

"Well..."

"So it's not platonic."

"He's kind of cute when he's not being a cocky jerkwad. And it kind of felt amazing, kissing a guy who actually likes me."

"Wait, so you _know_ he likes you and you still think it's platonic?"

"Can we move past that?"

Bayonetta rolled her eyes. "Okay, so let met get this straight. Do you like Cloud?" Corrina nodded. "But he doesn't like you." Corrina shook her head. "Do you like Sonic?" Corrina squinted, but slowly nodded. "And he _does_ like you." Corrina nodded. "Then date him. And when he turns out to be a jerky cockwad, become a lesbian."

"Cocky jerkwad."

"Same difference," Bayonetta replied, turning to walk away.

"Thanks for all your help!" Corrina called sarcastically.

"Love you, too!" Bayonetta responded before leaving Corrina to think about what she said.

Elsewhere in the cafeteria, Robyn had finally stopped crying and managed to give Robin a brief summary of what happened.

"Hey, can you move your head?" he asked.

"Why?" Robyn replied, though she did sit up.

"My arm's falling asleep," Robin replied. "And I need it to go beat Lucina up with a dictionary."

"Don't!"

"Why not?"

Robyn glared at him.

"Okay, that's a reasonable argument, but also, I really want to beat her up with a dictionary _._ "

"You don't have to. I'm not mad at her."

"I am."

Robyn shrugged. "You shouldn't be. It's not her fault."

"Maybe not, but Samus is a lot bigger than me."

Robyn tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I wonder if we could find a second dictionary. She might not be able to handle the two of us together."

"Well, that depends. How tall was the other girl?"

"Good point." Both twins laughed. "Thanks, Robin."

"Don't mention it." He paused. "To anyone. Ever. Samus might find out and come kill me." This comment earned another laugh. "We should probably find Ike and let him know you're okay," Robin said. "He was pretty worried."

"Really?" Robyn asked, genuinely surprised. "We've known him for barely twenty-four hours."

"He's a good guy."

"Sucks that his girlfriend cheated on him," Robyn muttered.

"Kind of a theme around here, isn't it?"

Robyn shrugged. "Lucky for you, Shulk's not a jerk like that."

Elsewhere, Shulk was still playing basketball with Mac. Mac had shed his tank top some time before, revealing his stunning physique - it was clear he had put more time in at the gym than Shulk, who had gained his slight muscles solely from sports. However, the game had been incredibly one-sided in Shulk's favor, as Mac had never played an actual game of basketball.

"That's 86-4. You done yet?" Shulk asked, grinning and playfully shoving Mac in the shoulder.

"First to 100."

"Dude, do you really think you're going to get forty-eight baskets before I get seven?"

"I could get some three-pointers!" Shulk laughed in response. Mac blushed a little and rolled his eyes, still grinning. "Hey, I would have done better if I wasn't so distracted by how hot you are." Shulk blushed, his smile fading slightly.

Both of them were soon lost in each other's eyes and, without thinking it through, Shulk kissed Mac. It was over as soon as it happened and Shulk immediately regretted it. He opened his mouth to apologize but was cut off by Mac pulling him in for another one and he completely forgot about Robin as they began to make out. The tents in their shorts brushed each other and Mac pulled away, whispering in Shulk's ear, "Your dorm?"

Shulk shook his head. "Walker might be in there. Your dorm?"

"Deal." Mac pulled Shulk in for another kiss before they both began walking to Mac's dorm, Mac's tank top forgotten on the basketball court.

They passed DK and Falcon on their way up, who were too caught up in their own conversation to recognize Shulk as Robin's boyfriend. "So that Cloud kid bailed on you?" Falcon asked teasingly.

"Whatever," DK replied with a shrug. "He was hot, but it's not like I'm dying for cock."

"I know Diddy's dying for your cock."

DK's eyebrows went up at the sudden comment. "Diddy?"

"Dude, you didn't notice? He's had the hots for you since he started last year."

"No way. We're buds. And he's, like, six years younger than me."

"Whatever you gotta tell yourself, pal," Falcon replied with a shrug. "Anyway, I gotta go meet Link. Later."

DK nodded, distracted by this revelation. He had zero attraction to Diddy, thinking of him more as a younger brother, and was rather concerned at the possibility of having to break the boy's heart. This concern grew tenfold when he almost immediately received a text from Diddy asking him to meet him at Mario's for dinner that evening. He was tempted to say no, but couldn't bring himself to. As he wandered off, hoping Falcon was mistaken, he brushed past Robin, Robyn, and Ike.

"Well, I'm glad to hear you're feeling better," Ike was saying.

"Thanks," Robyn replied. "And really, it means a lot that you helped me. We barely know each other."

Ike shrugged. "Hey, like I said, you helped me yesterday. It's the least I could do."

The twins and Ike shared a friendly smile. At least one thing was going well for them on this campus.

"That's weird," Robin commented as they reached the basketball court. "Shulk is usually still practicing his free throws this time of day."

"Is that his shirt?" Robyn asked, pointing to the tank top laying near the basket. Robin walked over and picked it up.

"Nope," he replied. "Pretty sure Shulk doesn't own any black tank tops."

"That's Mac's," Ike blurted before he realized how creepy it was that he could so easily identify it. The twins both looked at him with raised eyebrows. "It's... a long story. But that's definitely his. I know where his dorm is, I can return it to him."

"We'll come with," Robyn said, growing a tad suspicious. Robin seemed to be catching on to the same train of thought and looked uneasy as he handed the tank top to Ike. The three of them made the trek up to Mac's dorm and Ike knocked on the door. From the amount of time it took for Mac to get to the door after calling that he was coming, and the way he held the door in front of his lower body, it didn't take a genius to catch on to what was happening inside.

"Ike," he said breathlessly. "Hi."

"Found this at the basketball court," Ike said. "Is it yours?"

Mac blushed and nodded. "Uh, yeah. Thanks."

Robin nonchalantly paced to the other side of Ike, where he could see through the crack of the door... and straight into Mac's bedroom, where he made eye contact with his very naked boyfriend. "Robin!" Shulk gasped, leaping out of bed and quickly pulling up his boxers. He ran to the door just as Robin disappeared down the hall. "Robin, wait!" Robin didn't.

Robyn, on the other hand, scowled as the blond turned to her and released her fist into the side of his face. "Asshole," she growled before storming off after Robin, leaving Shulk to rub the new red mark.

Ike awkwardly excused himself after the twins as well.

"You kissed me first," Mac said sheepishly. "I thought you two weren't exclusive."

Shulk frowned. "I should go."

Mac nodded as Shulk moved to gather his clothes.

As he made the walk of shame back to his dorm, he brushed past Link and Falcon. "So," Falcon was saying. "I heard that you were spotted sucking on Pit's face last night." Link blushed. "You two a thing now?"

Link opened his mouth to speak, but closed it and shrugged instead.

"You haven't talked to him since," Falcon deduced. Link scratched his head awkwardly. "Well? When you gonna fix that?"

"I thought I'd wait until he contacted me," Link replied with another shrug.

"Dude, you'll never get a boyfriend if you're always waiting. You gotta act!" Falcon shoved his hand down Link's pocket, pulling out his phone. "Now, text him. Be mushy if you have to."

Link rolled his eyes but accepted the phone, loading up his messages and composing one to Pit. However, he was left staring blankly at the equally blank screen. Falcon sighed.

"You're hopeless," he announced before walking off. On his way, he passed Marth's dorm, where Marth and Falco were hard at work.

"So what's got you down?" Marth asked, breaking the silence as he flopped on his bed to rest.

Falco grimaced. "Guy I like has a boyfriend."

"Ouch," Marth muttered. "Does he know you like him?"

"No."

"Well, why not?"

"Recap: he has a boyfriend."

"So? Maybe he likes you better. You'll never know if you don't ask."

Falco frowned. He didn't really agree with this logic, but perhaps it was worth asking. "Hold on," he said, his train of thought derailed. "You're not surprised I'm gay?"

Marth raised an eyebrow as he looked at Falco's blue fauxhawk and stylish leather jacket. "Not in the least."

Another frown from Falco. "So when is your roommate supposed to get here?"

"Uh..." Marth glanced at his clock. "About ten minutes ago, actually."

"Well, at least your dorm isn't coated in rotting food anymore..." Falco sighed, though it still looked like a bachelor's pad. Mostly because it was. "Hopefully whoever your roommate is doesn't mind used condoms and dirty clothes strewn everywhere." Before Marth could devise a witty remark, there was a knock at the door. "That him?"

"Probably," Marth responded as he walked over and opened the door, revealing none other than... "Roy," he said breathlessly.

"Long time no see," the shorter redhead responded sheepishly. For awhile, they just stared at each other.

"I'm just... gonna go..." Falco said, slipping out between the two. This triggered Marth to regain his senses and slap Roy across the face.

"Okay, I deserved that," Roy replied, rubbing the new red mark.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Marth asked, scowling.

Roy chuckled nervously. "Surprise! I'm your new roommate!"

Marth frowned.

Falco, meanwhile, had come to a decision: he was, in fact, going to tell Ganondorf how he felt. And fortunately, he happened to know exactly where Ganondorf would be that evening. So he retreated to his dorm, thankfully no longer occupied by Fox, to get ready.

And at 8:15, when Ganondorf and Pittoo arrived at the movie theater, he was there waiting. "Falco!" Ganondorf said. "What a surprise. You here for the movie?"

"Actually, I was here to talk to you," Falco said, starting to sweat. "Alone, if that's okay?"

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "Okay... Pittoo, you want to go ahead and get in line for snacks?"

"Sure," Pittoo said, sensing something was up but too flustered to do anything about it. Once he was out of sight, Ganondorf turned to Falco.

"Alright, what's up?"

"I, uh..." Falco's mouth went dry. "I was wondering if..." Unable to formulate the words, he mentally kicked himself and said, "I was wondering if you could give me cash to get a new jacket. To replace the one you tore."

"Oh! Oh, yeah," Ganondorf said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. "How much?"

"Fifteen bucks."

"Alright, here you go. Sorry again about that. That all you want?"

"Yep. Thanks." Mentally abusing himself, Falco took the money and stormed off. Ganondorf watched him go, a small part of him wishing Falco had said something else.

Falco, meanwhile, elected to drown his sorrows at Mario's, where he ended up front and center for another, even more awkward confrontation.

"Hi, DK," Diddy said as the bigger man entered the building. DK, a bit reluctantly, pulled him in for another hug.

"Hey, little buddy," he said. "What's up?"

"I wanted to tell you something, something kind of important."

"Okay...?" DK knew what was coming, but couldn't do anything to stop it.

"I, um..." Diddy cleared his throat nervously. "I like you. A lot. And I really think we'd be..."

"Diddy, I... I have to stop you."

"What?"

DK stared at the floor. This was hardly the first time he had dumped someone, but it was definitely the most painful. "I don't like you in that way. We're friends... almost like brothers, you know? And the age gap..."

Diddy squinted. "What about it?"

"You're underage, kid," DK blurted.

"So if I was older, you'd...?"

"No, I wouldn't. That's just a tiny part of the reason. I'm not attracted to you at all."

Diddy forced a smile. "But, I thought... we were, like, connected, and..."

"I didn't mean to lead you on. You're my little buddy. That's all."

Tears becoming impossible to fight back, Diddy grabbed his hat and stormed off. "Diddy, wait!" DK called, but he was gone.

DK sat at the table, his head in his hands, and cried.


End file.
